This week Al and Tony stare into a magic mirror with Oculus. Then, they talk about pilgrimages, mess with microphones, After that, Al becomes a bad movie choreography apologist, Tony loses his mind over chokes, and is validated by Joe Rogan himself.

Download it!

Links:

Oculus Movie

Continental Divide

Camino De Santiago

Charlie Hunnam Accent

No Sleep Podcast

Amazon Warehouse Expose

BlokeBusters Podcast

TMNT Elevator Wu-Tang Scene

 

Direct download: HEP_-_120_-_Edible_Light_Bulbs_and_Proper_Chokes.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:34am EST

In this episode the guys talk with long-time friend of the show Jon Jones, and discuss the best holiday special ever, A Charlie Brown Christmas. They also discuss the best gifts they've given or recieved.

Download the yuletide goodness now!

Links:

hnefatafl

 

Direct download: HEP_-_119_-_The_Real_Meaning_of_Christmas_is_Nintendo_64.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:37am EST

A special bonus episode reviewing the new horror sensation The Babadook! We break down the good, the bad, and the absolutely terrifying. The main part of the review is spoiler free. After the credits we discuss our theories and the ending.

Download it!

The Babadook

You can find this movie on Amazon PPV, Google Play, iTunes, and most other streaming platforms.

Direct download: HEP_-_118.5_-_The_Babadook_Movie_Review.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:47pm EST

In this episode the guys analyze the inferior but still awesome sequel to the best Christmas movie ever, Die Hard 2. Then they discuss the greatest sequels ever.

Download!

Links:

Scorpion

Commando

Best Sequels

The Rescuers Down Under

Fievel Goes West

22 Jump Street

 

die hard

Direct download: HEP_-_118_-_The_LAAAAAAZY_Eye_2_Lazier_Eye.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:22am EST

In this episode the guys talk about a Christmas movie without a single gremlin in it, inappropriately titled Gremlins. Tony spins conspiracy theories about Bill Hick and Alex Jones until he's sick. Albert is excited about Star Wars (among other things. Many many other things.)

Download this episode before the gremlins delete it!

Links to things:

 

Direct download: HEP_-_117_-_Sick_on_the_Ceiling.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:18am EST

In this episode the guys review the scifi epic from Thomas A. Mays Sword into Darkness. They also talk about giant mining equipment and terrifying dollar store toys.

Download it now!

Links:

Bagger 288 music video

Stand by Me

Penny Arcade podcast

Uru

Direct download: HEP_-_116_-_Bagger_288_vs_Aliens.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:07am EST

In this episode, the guys discuss the absurdist Kafkaesque comedy from Richard Ayoade The Double. Then they troll through the worst movies on Netflix and find what might be the best thing ever. Also, Bat-Baby. Just...Bat-Baby.

Download!

Links:

Universalis Let's Play

Mortem Post's awesome shirts that you can (and should) buy

Karate-Robo Zaborgar (I watched the first five minutes of this movie. There was a floating robot lady's head and a transforming motorcycle that knows karate and a robot samurai that had a giant pair of lips which he used to "suck the DNA from the politicians" as a part of floaty robot head lady's evil plan.)

Bat-Baby

 

Direct download: HEP_-_115_-_Bat-Baby_The_Motion_Picture.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:01am EST

In this episode, the guys review the crazypants sci-fi romance serial-killer horror time-travel-inside-a-freaking-bear movie, Detention. Then Albert tells the story of how his baby figured out how to use pay-per-view, and the guys talk about movies they wish they hadn't watched.

Download!

Links:

 

Direct download: HEP_-_114_-_They_Fixin_to_Misuse_the_Cows.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:15am EST

In this special bonus episode of the Human Echoes Podcast, Al and Tony breakdown the new Hollywood blockbuster Interstellar.

Direct download: HEP_-_113.5_-_Interstellar_Movie_Review.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:38pm EST

In this episode Al and Tony review the deliciously bad love letter to B-movies, Monster From Bikini Beach. They probably talked about other stuff too, but Albert was having so much fun he forgot to take notes.

Maybe you should just download the episode and find out what they talked about for yourself

Links:

Were you not listening?

No notes.

No memory.

No proffesionalism.

Direct download: HEP_-_113_-_Friends_Dont_Let_Friends_Do_Crime.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:28pm EST

In this episode, the guys marvel at the unexpected genius of one of the best horror movies they've reviewed so far, Candyman. Then they fall down a rabbit hole of weirdness while researching author Thomas A. Mays, and Albert pitches the movie he's never going to make because he's a big fat coward.

Download it now!

Links in the Chain:

 

 

Direct download: HEP_-_112_-_Candy_Corn_and_Railguns.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:50am EST

In this supplemental episode, Al and Tony break down the new action flick John Wick. They examine how it measures up to The Equalizer, discuss modern movie action, and discuss how this is set in the world of Grand Theft Auto.

Download it!

Direct download: HEP_-_111.5_-_John_Wick_Movie_Review.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:49pm EST

In this episode the guys review the cult favourite horror-comedy American Werewolf in London. Then they discuss online bullys, catfishing authors, and the new trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Download it now!

Links

Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer

Stalker author vs bully reviewer

Carrie 2013

Direct download: HEP_-_111_-_The_Monster_Inside_Us.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:54am EST

In the second episode of Viewers Choice Month the guys dig into the mind of Ed Wood Jr. by breaking down his most personal work, Glen or Glenda?. Then they talk about idiosyncratic numbering of operating systems, and Albert geeks out about pallet jacks in fiction and a potential Myst TV show.

Download it now!

Links:

Direct download: HEP_-_110_-_The_Morons_Manifesto.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:06am EST

In this, the first week of Viewers Choice Month, Al and Tony talk about Tony's new favourite movie, Hairspray. Then Albert espouses the virtues of the best bad television show of the season, Scorpion, and the guys discuss the lost creativity of childhood.

Put the beat in your ears. Download it now!

Links:

Direct download: HEP_-_109_-_Fear_and_Loathing_in_Baltimore.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:40am EST

In this episode the guys discuss the Australian remake of Dude, Where's My CarThe Rover. They also gush about the new Denzel Washington action flick, The Equalizer, and Albert talks about movies he wishes he could make.

Download it now!

Links and Things

 

Direct download: HEP_-_108_-_The_Retail_Rumble.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:08am EST

In this episode, the guys discuss an art film from those wacky French fellas, Holy Motors. Then they talk about terrible trips to the dentist and Tony is wrong about Bratwurst and Crock-Pots™.

Download it here!

Links:

Direct download: HEP_-_107_-_The_Truth_has_Teeth.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:28pm EST

In this special bonus episode, Al and Tony breakdown the awesome and strange new Kevin Smith movie Tusk. Listen as they marvel at The Walrus and The Carpenter, talk about douche bag characters, and how great Michael Parks is. Grab your Chug -Eh-Lug and strap yourself in!

Download it!

Subscribe to the podcast!

Links:

The Walrus and the Carpenter Podcast Episode

Listener's Choice Month

 

Direct download: HEP_-_106.5_-_Tusk_Movie_Review.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:29pm EST

Guardian angel gives lectures on morality to the toothache inside the piroshki. A guardian angel leaves, and a bubble beams with joy; however, the stalactite living with a shadow has a change of heart about a necromancer. Now and then, a sheepishamour-propre pours freezing cold water on a toothpick. Scheherazade and I took a toothache inside some starlet (with some philosopher, the rascally espadrille, a few toothpicks, and a bride related to a taxidermist) to arrive at a state of intimacy where we can underhandedly approach our gonad.

Are we cool yet?

Direct download: HEP_-_106_-_My_Name_is_Berg_My_Planet_is_Uranus.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:11am EST

In this episode the guys review the most horrificallty wonderfully, awfully bizzare movie they've seen to date, The Peanut Butter Solution.  Then Al shares the joys and horrors of being a new father.

Also, don't forget to nominate lots of musicals for Tony to watch for our Listener's Choice Month!

Download!

Direct download: HEP_-_105_-_And_Then_It_Got_REALLY_Weird.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:32am EST

This week Joseph Devon and Tony breakdown the cult classic The Fifth Element. They discuss Sanskrit, fantasy football, molly, lizard people, and much more.

Download it!

Links:

Jon Woo Directed Game

Salute Your Shorts

Sports Betting is Legal In...

The Day Star

Viewers Choice Month

 

 

Direct download: HEP_-_104_-_Moving_Back_to_Hieroglyphs.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:18am EST

On this week's show, Al leaves Tony and Danny to their own devices. They review Leviathan (1989), talk about mountains of James Cameron movies, They take your questions about raptors, and Tony bums everyone out talking about his spine.

Links:

Ripley is a Mom

Leviathan

You Know What Dude? Podcast

Ankylosing Spondylitis

Stygimoloch Dinosaur

Direct download: HEP_-_103_-_Becoming_the_Monster.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:59am EST

In this episode the guys discuss zombie babies and monstrous ladies in the artsy and innovative horror film Grace. Then the guys dig into the ugly side of nature, and Al talks about the horrors of fatherhood.

Download!

Links:

Direct download: HEP_-_102_-_Kinder_Kills_Cleaner_Cuts.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:49am EST

In this episode the guys review Constantine, a perfectly serviceable film that was sadly ruined by a humanoid block of wood posing as an actor. Also, Tony doesn't have a clue about Lazarus Pits and Albert blows out his voice screaming about it.

Download it now! (if your eardrums can take it)

Links:

Lazarus Pit

Top Ten Episodes

We probably talked about other stuff that I could link to, but I didn't write it down, and it is my birthday today, and frankly you could just Google it anyway, so there. My wife got me a spare Nintendo 64 controller and Super Mario 64 for my birthday, and I'm going to go and play a 20 year old video game with her now. After five years of married life this is what you do for fun instead of having sex, unless MasterChef or Mythbusters is on, in which case you watch MasterChef.or Mythbusters. Preferably Mythbusters.

Direct download: HEP_-_101_-_This_is_the_Pits.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:35am EST

In this the 100th episode of the Human Echoes Podcast, the guys are joined by Danny Brophy to discuss Dredd (and Guardians of the Galaxy.) Al and Danny geek out about Doctor Who and Sherlock, while Tony tries to teach Danny how to be a man. Also, Al is forced to defend his love of The Asylum.

Download it now!

Links:

Bill Oberst Jr. interviews
Direct download: HEP_-_100_-_Digging_Deeper.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:24am EST

In this episode the guys talk about the trippy, Oscar-bait, heartwarming film that no one has heard of, Adaptation. Tony talks about going to a bondage class; Albert talks about various lizards FROM SPACE.

Download

Links:

Direct download: HEP_-_99_-_Beginners_Bondage_for_Space_Lizards.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:35am EST

In this episode the Whitest Rapper Ever and the Inhuman Beatbox review Guillermo del Toro's masterpiece of horror, The Devil's Backbone. Al talks about internet myths and weird fairy tales, and Tony...well...yeeaahh.

"Download this episode." -Oscar Wilde

Links:

Direct download: HEP_-_98_-_Im_Going_to_Need_You_to_Drop_a_Beat_-Adolph_Hitler.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:07am EST

In this episode the guys sit down with author/editor extraordinaire Ellie Anne about writing, comics, and The Tale of Frida. They discuss the importance of female characters and mistakes that plague beginning writers.

Download it now!

Links:

Marvel announces a new female Thor
NPR highlight of Ann Cleeves glosses over 20 years of work that led to success
Boring Moby Dick
Duel

Direct download: HEP_-_97_-_A_Vote_for_Sauron_is_a_Vote_for_Women.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:18am EST

In this episode Al and Tony talk over Quentin Taratino's inaugural film, Reservoir Dogs. Albert shares his dismay at how much he liked Transformers: Age of Extinction, and Tony opens an impressive number of browser tabs inadvertently calling Twilight: the Musical into existence.

Download it now!

Links:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Trailer
Fight! Super Robot Life-form - Transformers: Mystery of Convoy
NOS4A2 by Joe Hill
Twilight: The Musical

Direct download: HEP_-_96_-_Reservoir_Robots.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:04am EST

In this episode the guys review the hillbilly horror stylings of Jug Face. They also discover bizarre new fetish, and Albert shares his anxiety about seeing the new Transformers film.

Download it now!

Links:

Direct download: HEP_-_95_-_Autobots_Transform_and_Crank_It.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:06am EST

In this episode the guys trek through the dangerous pathways of Gareth Edwards micro-budget debut film, Monsters. Also, Tony learns a little more than he wanted to about his name, and Albert relates an unsettling experience.

Download

Links:

Godzilla Monster of Monsters Let's Play

Godzilla Monster of Monsters creepypasta

The Writer's Arena

Man kills grizzly bear with bare hands and teeth

Jack Churchill

Direct download: HEP_-_94_-_The_Name_of_the_Game.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:19am EST

In this episode the guys review a movie that tests the limits of a single space, Exam. Also, tony relates some of his experiences at Denver Comicon, and Albert gives instructions in how not to plug in your air-conditioner.

Download the episode

Links:

Denver Comi Con

The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield

Criminal Minds S09E20 "Blood Relations" (with Bill Oberst Jr.)

Ignore Everybody by Hugh Mcleod

World War Z Unrated on Netflix

 

 

Direct download: HEP_-_93_-_Battle_in_a_Bottle.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:56am EST

In this episode the guys geek out about Bollywood blockbuster Dhoom 3. Later they share their favourite recipes, discuss various forms of censorship, and try to imagine the ideal time machine.

Download this episode to your future device now!

Links:

Slender man-inspired stabbing

Cory Doctorow's Little Brother pulled from summer reading list

Don Jones blog post about Maximum Overdrive.

Drunken Chicken

Direct download: HEP_-_92_-_Bollywood_Bacon_and_Book_Bans.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:59am EST

In this episode the guys take a look at the many many phallic symbols to be found in The Lair of the White Worm. Then Albert introduces Tony to the weirdest book either of them have ever seen.

Listen now!

Links:

 

Direct download: HEP_-_91_-_A_Boring_Title_with_No_Sexual_Innuendos_Whatsoever.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 4:21am EST

In this episode the guys talk about the horror film that isn't sure what it wants to be when it grows up, From Dusk Till Dawn. Then Albert raves about Godzilla, relates his discovery of Bollywood films, and the guys take listener questions.

Dowload:

Blindsight by Peter Watts (seriously this is like the tenth time this book has been in the show notes. It's awesome, it's FREE. WHY HAVE YOU NOT READ IT YET?!)
 
dusk till dawn weapons

 

Direct download: HEP_-_90_-_Mr._Sex_Machine_and_the_Giant_Reciprocating_Dildo.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:15am EST

In this episode Al and Tony review the one and only movie directed by Stephen King, Maximum Overdrive. Along the way, they try to figure out what makes a "good" bad movie, and get all psyched up about Godzilla.

Download the episode before you iPod eats you.

Links and Things:

 

Direct download: HEP_-_89_-_Maximum_Hipster.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:14am EST

In this episode, Al and Tony review the B-movie goodness of the 80's schlock-fest movie Re-Animator. Tony complains about haggling customers, and then immediately admits to being guilty of the same thing, while Albert comes to defense of director Michael Bay.

Download it now!

Links:

 

underwater art

Direct download: HEP_-_88_-_Wrath_of_the_Tentacular_Colon.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:39am EST

In this episode the guys dissect the visceral docudrama The Dirties. Then Albert talks about the deluge of rain that wrecked parts of his town and Tony talks about investing in the new cryptocurrency Dogecoin.

Install Podcast.exe into your mental hard drive.

Links:

 
 

 

doge-car
Direct download: HEP_-_87_-_The_Deluge_and_the_Dogecoin.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:26am EST

In this episode Al and Tony argue over whether Andrei Tarkovsky's film Nostalghia is a visual sedative or pogniant art. Then Al talks about finally using Vine, and complains that his new phone isn't futuristic enough.

Download the episode to your future-magic device now!

Links:

Sculpting in Time by Andrei Tarkovsky
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
Twelve Angry Men audio dramatization
Hardcore History
Leviathan by James Byron Huggins (Two things about this book: first it's like five bucks for Kindle — totally worth it. Second, the eight foot tall viking dude who is also a priest and who fights the genetically enhanced cyborg dragon with an axe? He's called Thor. I don't know how you're not reading this already.)

 

 

Direct download: HEP_-_86_-_Nostalghia_Critics.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:28am EST

In this episode the guys cover Insidious: Chapter 2 the follow-up installment to the 2010 horror hit. Then, Albert espouses the virtues of Russian animation, and Tony tells an unconventional tale of true love.

Download it now!

Links:

 

Jen's amazing fan art and official cover for Daisy, Daisy
Jen's amazing fan art and official cover for Daisy, Daisy

 

Direct download: HEP_-_85_-_The_Secret_History_of_Misconceptions.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:47am EST


The Bastards of Barley Downs

by A.P. Sessler

 

8 May, 1582

Certain men of the city, led by the Constable, found the Harper daughter in the winter barley field belonging to the Peregrine family on this, the eighth day since the flaming wheels appeared.  Like the others she was discovered lying in the center of the crop rune, half-naked and out of her mind.

Any soul that remained idly in the rune suffered diverse maladies.  Even the girl's own father forgot her name and his own until he was forcibly removed from the rune.  Some grew faint, others discerned a metal savor in their mouths which turned bitter in their stomachs, and still others lost all their wits as the girl's father had.  The lesser maladies were cured immediately when departing from the crop rune, while the greater remained until the evening.

Concerning the nature of the runes, they are of the most devilish design, capable of being conceived only by Hell itself.  No inscription like them hath been recorded in any seized book on magic.  In regards to their formation no one hath observed their construction.  The stalks of grain are all bent flat with not a one broken, so that if each were straightened they would grow taller still.

 

13 May, 1582

The parents of the maidens had prevented their examination until now.  No one wished to put undue strain upon their feeble minds until it seemed right.  It was rightly presumed the examination would cause much strain but one slightly more bearable permitting the brief passing of time.

Each daughter was examined by the Vicar in the order they were found after their captivity, the Harper daughter being the last to be questioned.

She confessed she had been defiled by the Incubus, just as it molested each daughter after the same manner.  She recounted the flaming wheels which carried her away into the heavens in the sight of us all, but did not willfully manifest the secret things that followed while she was captive, save that she had been violated by the Incubus.

When questioned concerning the slaughtered cattle found in the Johnson field all five daughters claimed to have no knowledge of the event.  When pressed if they made oblations of the cattle to conjure the Incubus and the flaming wheels they denied all accusations.

At no time during their confession did they deny Christ or profess any heresy.  They appear solely to be but hapless victims of the devil.

 

6 June, 1582

The Vicar and Magistrate, as well as the entire city, thought it meet to give the bewitched winter barley fields a sabbath of one year.  The harvesting, selling or consumption of the grain hath been strictly forbidden.  This prohibition will call upon all men to share all things in common to make up for that which is lacking, so that none hath too little and none hath too much.

 

9 July, 1582

The daughters have been found to be with child and appear to be in their second month.  They each lamented the injustice they suffered with great weeping.  Two despaired even of life to the point of seeking to do themselves violence on several occasions.  In each instance they were delivered, by what means no one can be certain.

 

11 September, 1582

Now in their fourth month the mothers have grown suddenly favorable of their unborn bastards.  What evil was committed against their consent beforetime hath now been received with joy, as if they had become the recipient of some great favor.

Some in our city thought to bring harm upon those heavy with child.  All came to violent ends by unknown means, so that all who remain fear the very devils are guarding this brood like a vicious mother.  Though no soul hath thus spoken, the seed of Satan may soon be born into this world.

 

1 October, 1582

It is again the time for sewing winter barley and reaping other grains.  The bewitched fields have not been farmed since the crop runes appeared the previous year, during which time the barley hath withered, but not that which composes the crop runes.  For this reason the farmers were ordered to give the fields a second sabbath year before planting.

 

18 November, 1582

It hath come to our knowledge that, whether by the willful disobedience of the farmers or the practice of common thieves, grain from the bewitched crops hath in truth been harvested and sold.  Whilst no one publicly confesses to the selling or consumption of the grain, it hath been whispered that their use hath brought about diverse cures to maladies found difficult to treat by the most learned physicians.

 

7 January, 1583

As the daughters entered their eighth month their parents reported a multitude of devilish activity occurring in their households in the form of poltergeists.  The daughters were taken from their homes peaceably and brought to the nunnery led by the Sisters of the Annunciation.  The poltergeist activity hath since ceased.

 

1 February, 1583

As the hour of their delivery approaches we are fearful.  The mothers are now in the final travail of birth pangs.  They have each taken their seat on the birthing chairs in the adjacent room.  A great anxiety hath ceased upon us all and we are in terrible dread for what it is to come.

In the scripture the Spirit of truth testifieth that the Son of Man came not only by the water of birth but by the blood of virginity.  What these bastard children are, or will be, is not clear.

I hear the voice of the midwives saying the firstborn is crowning even now.  There are screams in the birthing room.  One of the midwives hath now entered the room where I sit writing.  She is so covered in blood that I can only observe the white of her eyes and the black hole that is her mouth.  She sayeth that the child--

O God, please, let it not be.

 ---

A resident of North Carolina's Outer Banks, A.P. Sessler searches for that unique element that twists the everyday commonplace into the weird.
When he's not writing fiction he composes music, dabbles in animation, and muses about theology and mind-hacking, all while watching way too many online movies.
His short stories have appeared in Zippered Flesh 2, Dandelions of Mars, SQ Magazine, and Strangely Funny.
 
---
 

This story was narrated by Jon Jones.

Jon Jones has worked in multi-media production for a variety of entertainment and broadcast mediums for over 30 years.
His recent efforts include providing education, consultation and production services to make digital media more accessible to individuals, schools, small businesses, and social service organizations.
 
Through his business, Lunarparcel Media, Jon provides video production and voice-over services, as well as digital restoration of antiquated content mediums.
 
Jon lives in Northern California with his family, and can be found on Twitter as @DVWhat  twitter.com/dvwhat, or on Youtube at youtube.com/lunarparcel.

 

Direct download: HEP_-_Short_Echoes_10_-_The_Bastards_of_Barley_Downs_by_A.P._Sessler.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:22am EST

In this episode the guys discuss the movie Pearson Education Sucks. Then Tony relates an unlikely story of how Pearson Education sucks, and Albert reveals the secret suckage of Pearson Educational Products.

On a serious note, we have a story that really does not suck, which is The Bastards of Barley Downs by A.P. Sessler. It will get it's own episode later this week.

Check out the shop on the navbar above! Much more to come.

Download Pearson Education's Suckage now!

Sucky Pearson Education Links:

Pearson Education Sucks Facebook page

How Pearson Education sucked up all the opportunities for struggling writers

Pearson Education is sucking the simplicity out of films

"Pearson Education Sucks" a psychological horror novella by Albert Berg

 

Direct download: HEP_-_84_-_Pearson_Education_Sucks.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:40am EST

On a special episode of the podcast, Hannah-Elizabeth Thompson joins Al to talk about Timmy Failure by Stephan Pastis.  They wax lovingly about puns, polar bears, shipping, and shotgunning love letters. Al blows up about the universe and How I Met Your Mother. They also explain how to rear your child into a chess master. Make sure you check out Hannah's projects below.

Download the glorious reverberations here:

Hannah's Twitter
Stephan Pastis
Hannah's Fiverr
GOcomics - Pearls Before Swine
Derelict

Direct download: HEP_-_83_-_HEY_THAT_KIDS_THROWING_PUNS.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:55am EST

Greetings friends, we recently had a great chat with Liesel Hanson, an actress from Planet of the Vampire Women (2011), Children of Sorrow (2012) and Henry's Shadow (2013). She's a theater actress and was in both the original and touring productions of Reanimator the Musical directed by Stuart Gordon. She is also a member of "Theatre of NOTE" in LA, and a regular with Trash Film Orgy.

You can find her on twitter, and find out more about her work on her IMDB page. Be sure to give it a like!

 

Direct download: HEP_-_Interview_With_Liesel_Hanson.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:01pm EST

In this episode the guys dive into historical horror film Below. Then the guys try to figure out if the future will be terrible or wonderful, and Albert admits that he has no idea what is going on in the world. This episode is a bit all over the map. You've been warned.

Liesel Hanson joins us to talk about her role in Children of Sorrow and share her love of trash film. If you are looking for her interview, it is around the 1 hour and 16 minute mark. It will have a stand alone episode on Wednesday.

Also, THE OCTOSHARK SHIRT IS ALMOST HERE! I know we said it would be ready, but some of these sites are seriously trying to cramp our style. When we get a company that charges reasonable rates and royalties, it will be here. Expect this by April 11th.

Download the episode here.

Links:

Trash Film Orgy

Direct download: HEP_-_82_-_Run_Silent_Run_Scared.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:34am EST

Our favorite zombie hunter, cult leader, and all around nice guy Bill Oberst Jr. returns to the podcast! In this interview, we cover what it is like to become a monster, to die in a movie, and many of the challenges of the Hollywood life.

Thank you all so much for listening. If you enjoyed this interview, or any of the movies that Bill has been in, give his IMDB page a like. It really helps him find new and interesting roles.

Also, be sure to check out tonight's (April 2nd) episode of Criminal Minds entitled "Blood Relations" on CBS.

Direct download: HEP_-_Interview_2_with_Horror_Icon_Bill_Oberst_Jr..mp3
Category: -- posted at: 1:02pm EST

In this episode the guys review the pitch-perfect supernatural horror film The Mothman Prophecies with some eerie interruptions. They share their lifelong fascination with U.F.O. sightings and all things paranormal.

Then Bill Oberst Jr. drops in to talk about playing an altogether different kind of monster in Children of Sorrow, and reveals the reason he takes on such frightening roles. Keep an eye open for a stand alone episode later this week. Friends, please take a moment to like his IMDB page. His interview starts at the 37 minute mark.

Download the awesome into your earbuds now!

Links to Things:

 
Direct download: HEP_-_81_-__The_Monster_Mash.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:27am EST

In this episode the guy talk about one of the most disturbing films they've ever seen, Children of Sorrow. Then things get disturbing in an entirely different way when the conversation gets all sweaty (literally).

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Direct download: HEP_-_80_-_Blood_Sweat_and_Fears.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:03am EST

This episode marks the joyous and triumphant and joyous return of Joseph Devon! Joseph talks with us about his latest book Persistent Illusions (to avoid spoilers for the first book in the series, Probability Angels take a listen to our first interview with Joseph here). Along the way we answer questions from the audience and geek out about history stuff.

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Links and Things:

 
 
 
Direct download: HEP_-_79_-_Author_Interview_Joseph_Devon_Returns.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:45am EST

In this episode, the guys discuss the character-driven (if slightly obtuse) horror film Resolution. Then Tony gets political and bashes Occupy Wall Street's disorganization, and Al is creeped out by silverfish.

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Links:

The Black Swan (You cannot imagine my sorrow when I learned that this was not an adaptation of Nassim Nicholas Taleb's book about dangers of discounting unlikely outcomes.)
 
For Joseph.

 

 

badass egyptian protester

Direct download: HEP_-_78_-_Occupy_the_Fourth_Wall.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:51am EST

In this, the last episode of Bad Shark Month, the guys try their hardest not to talk about the movie that killed the big budget shark movie, Deep Blue Sea. They also talk about disturbing erotica, take some user questions, and wax nostalgic about Animorphs.

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Links (in no particular order):

Animorphs

Boy's Life by Robert McCammon

The Rocketeer

The Honor Harrington series

Creepy Romance tumblr

 

Direct download: HEP_-_77_-_Persistence_of_Memories.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:51am EST

In this episode Albert ditches Tony and sits down with guest host Brantley to talk about the third installment in the Mega Shark franchise Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark. Then they geek out about bad movies and Transformers, and Brantley inadvertently reveals that Joe Hill is a dirty dirty plagiarist.

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Direct download: HEP_-_76_-_Its_Raining_Boats.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:06am EST

In this week's episode Al and Tony face a new monster shark menace, Super Shark! Then Albert gets all gooey about the joys of making stuff, and Tony shares his heartache about the Super Bowl.

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Direct download: HEP_-_75_-_Poop-Shark_vs._Superb_Owl.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:04am EST

Kevin waited with the bandages over his eyes as his doctor came forward. At age fifty, the operation to remove Kevin’s cataracts was an extremely rare medical accomplishment – for himself and his doctors. Small children and babies were the usually the main demographic who were healthy enough to regain their sight. Both barely remember the few months they spent in darkness with four out of their five senses. Kevin Johnson, however, had many years of darkness behind him as he slowly came into the light.

“All right, Kevin,” his doctor said. “Take a look around the room. Say hello to the world.”

As soon as Kevin opened his eyes, he shut them again. He pulled the blanket of the bed close to his body and tried to block out the light.

The first hour went on much like this. Kevin had never seen what faces looked like, who people really were. He knew the voices and the contours of their skin, but that would not prepare him for the grotesque beings that greeted him on the other side. In spite of probes from his doctors, Kevin kept his eyes closed. He tried to believe that he had never been taken in for the elective surgery; never been dazzled by the promise of new life’s meaning and purpose.

When the nurses came into the room the next day, Kevin’s eyes were still closed.

“Are you all right Mr. Johnson?”

“Yes, yes. I can see fine.”

“So why don’t you open your eyes? Are you in pain?”

Kevin opened his mouth, only to close it again. Pain, he had learned over the years, was always subjective. Pain could rebel against memory itself. As the nurse told him the benefits of the procedure he had just undergone and the wonderful world that awaited him, Kevin forgot the first horror of sight. But only for a small second. As soon as he allowed himself another quick blink at the world, he ran and hid again.

“It’s okay, Mr. Johnson,” the nurse said. She gave him a sleeping mask made of velvet and something else very soft for his eyes. “This may take a while. Rest and try again tomorrow.”

But the days got worse. He shut his eyes and tried to get used to the voices.

 “How are you feeling today, Kevin?”

“Would you like to go for a walk?”

“This was what life was about, Mr. Johnson. You cannot live it in bed anymore. You must come down and see the world.”

When Kevin finally got the nerve to stand, he became aware of height. As he moved a step forward, he became aware of perspective. As the people at the back of the hospital’s long hallways began to shrink in size with each step Kevin took forward, his heart rate grew. The machine he kept close to his body let off a sound that scared him when paired up with the blinking lights. He took off his heart monitor. The noise grew worse as the machine flat lined.  He did not have time to understand the colours and the meaning behind “code blue” until the nurses showed up again with their too-big teeth and strapped him in again.

“He’s a difficult one,” a nurse said to the doctor. Kevin kept his eyes shut inside his room. They talked so loud around the corner, as if Kevin was deaf as well.

“What do you think will happen to him?”

“You can bring a horse to water but you cannot make him drink,” the doctor said with a sigh. “We can give him sight, but he has to see. Leave him for now; he’ll be discharged soon enough.”

When Kevin awoke the next morning, he moved down the hallway and towards the exit with his eyes closed. By the time he was in the stairwell, the announcement that a patient had escaped had already reached his ears. Kevin did not let the noise get to him. He was almost there. Gripping the railing, he got off on floor seven: the psych ward.

Most of the people here had what Kevin thought of as perception issues. They saw things that weren’t really there. They heard things that weren’t really there. Kevin knew that his own lack of sight had landed him in the floor above the psych ward merely because he had something physically wrong with him. Now that he was a healthy man according to the doctors, he was going to have to start seeing the world as it was presented to him. But that world was strange and unfamiliar. As crazy as crazy could be.

Kevin walked out into the psych ward lobby, eyes open and wide, and declared he what he saw.

“Scary faces. Masks and devils. Fairies, too!”

The doctors and the nurses grabbed his arms. They did more tests. They got him a room with a bed and some pills to take. Kevin only opened his eyes when he heard their feet inside the room. He made up more things that he could not really see.

“What do we do?” Kevin heard the doctors and the nurses talk in the next room. “There’s nothing physically wrong with him, but he keeps having hallucinations. No medication seems to work. We can’t let him go now.”

“Maybe it’s better for everyone if he stay here a while longer. Under observation.”

Kevin smiled as he heard the steady thud-thud of the doctor and the squeak-squeak of the nurses’ shoes as they walked away. For the next couple weeks, Kevin hid amongst the other patients in the psych ward as the blind man who could see.

“How are you today, Kevin?” a new nurse asked.

“Good,” he answered. “I’ve been outside.”

“How nice! Bring me a flower?”

Kevin smiled. He leaned back in the chair, closed his eyes, and returned to the world he knew best. 

 

---

Evelyn Deshane's work has appeared in The Fieldstone ReviewHyacinth NoirBlack Treacle, and Iris New Fiction. She is the poetry editor for Prosaic Magazine and a regular contributor to Absynthe Magazine. She lives in Canada. Find her full list of publications and upcoming book information at: http://paintitback.tumblr.com/

Direct download: HEP_-_Short_Echoes_9_-_The_Blind_Man_Who_Could_See_by_Evelyn_Deshane.mp3
Category: -- posted at: 11:13am EST

This week on the podcast Albert drags Tony back into the nightmare world of movies made by the Asylum and they discuss inaugural Mega Shark movie, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.

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Direct download: HEP_-_74_-_How_to_Yarn_Bomb_Your_Wang_Bush.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:38am EST

On this episode the guys talk about Maniac. Tony gets excited about the Superbowl, and smokes his "bong" really really loudly. Albert whines about California liberals and laments the insanity surrounding Justin Bieber's arrest.

Also, there's a new drawing of the octoshark on the loose! Scroll to the bottom of this post and behold the awesome terror.

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Links:

 
Thanks to @mortemposts for this awesome new image of the octoshark. You can check out more of her horror themed artwork here. (She is also the one responsible for the awesome new podcast logo.)
Octoshark drawing from @Mortemposts

 

Direct download: HEP_-_73_-_Never_EVER_Stop_Beliebing.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:01am EST

In this episode the guys discuss the horror film Banshee Chapter. Tony says "pandimensional" a lot. Albert discovers the best kids movie ever. Hop in your isolation tank and check it out.

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Linkz:

Timothy Leary

Isolation tank

Ergot poisoning 

Direct download: HEP_-_72_-_Friends_in_High_Places.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:02am EST

In this episode Tony drags Al into his childhood once again with sci-fi horror flick Event Horizon. Then the guys discuss unlikely sequels and awesome remakes.

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Links:
Proposed Gladiator sequel
Titanic II (also Albert did a review of this.)
The Legend of Hercules
Hardcore History: Shield of the West (Dan Carlin on the Battle of Thermopylae)
Archer Season Five
Sherlock

 

battle ships in arena


 In this episode the guys discuss Escape from Tomorrow a movie filmed at Disneyland without permission. Later, Tony regales us with tales of living in a marijuana Mecca, and Albert is weirded out by robots.
 

Links:
Marijuana Overdoses Kill 37 in Colorado
Gum chewing robot
Golf club swinging robot
John Henry
Happy New Year, Charlie Brown!

Direct download: HEP_-_70_-_Robots_Invade_the_Happiest_Place_on_Earth.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:47am EST

In this episode Al and Tony ring in the new year by remembering the old, and Al tells the story of the worst nightmare ever.

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Links and Stuff:
"Pursuit" by Stephen Dobyns
SModcast #259: "The Walrus and the Carpenter"
The Wide Carnivorous Sky and other Monstrous Geographies by John Langan
Taylor Wilson: Teenage Nuclear Scientist (This guy's life sounds like a ripoff from the Tom Swift books.)
"Writing Resolution: 2014 and Beyond" by Chuck Wendig

colbert hobbit

Direct download: HEP_-_69_-_Pursued_Through_the_Nyqil_Nightmare_of_Life.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:09am EST

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